Life Changing Events

Sometimes in life we have life changing events.  Sometimes they are big and noticeable to everyone, sometimes they are only known to us - impressions that change the course of our lives.  There's a country song about a guy - I think his dad dies - and then he realizes how precious life is, and then makes the most of it.  Well, in that vein, I was out in the country riding a horse and had a life changing experience - a horse fell on me.  I think back on the event and have to tell myself it really happened.  No one else was there, but I'm sure it happened.  Although, it's interesting how I start to doubt my own memory. 

I don't think I was overly confident or haughty.  I know I'm not an expert on horses, but I didn't feel nervous or scared.  I felt like I had control.  That gives me comfort.  I knew I had two choices.  I could get off the horse and risk him running off with my foot caught in the stirrups, or I could stay on the horse and try to get him to go where I wanted.  Perhaps I should have just waited on the horse until someone came for me.  But, you can't dwell on the what-ifs. 

We had been out in the sheep pasture, the same one we rode in two days before.  The horse had been spooked, he was tense and nervous.  And now we were alone.  So, he was a bit emotional.  I can understand that.  He reared back too much and fell on me.  It happened really fast.  It makes me think of watching a movie frame by frame, but some of the frames are missing.  I wish someone had been watching.  But, there I was on the rocky ground and the horse was gone.  I tried to stand up, but I knew I couldn't walk.  I knew my back wasn't broken.  No arms or legs were broken, but there was a dull pain in my midsection that kept me from moving much.  As I started to sit back down on the ground, I saw my camera laying on the ground - my new camera I just got for Christmas.  I had attached the camera case to the saddle.  But the camera was laying on the ground by itself, no case.  And it wasn't broken.  There wasn't a scratch on it.  And my sunglasses were just to the other side of me.  How did a fall with that much impact not even scratch my camera? 

I waited.  I knew I'd be there for a while, so I scooted back to lean against the fence post just behind me.  Another miracle, I hadn't fallen into the barb wire fence just two feet from where I fell.  I wiggled my toes again.  Yes, I could feel them.  Another miracle.  I had taken two pairs of jeans - one for helping with the sheep that I could get dirty and throw away when I was done, and another for riding horses - my good 'old' pair.  The sheep pair was clean.  The horse riding pair - now had a gaping hole in the left thigh.  (I think I will patch it.)  There was no blood.  I put my head back and was suddenly extremely tired.  I would have given anything in the world for a bed right then.  I don't remember much about first aid, but something told me to keep watching for the horse and to listen out for help. 

Help came and went back for more help.  Again I watched out for the horse to return.  And he did.  He got closer and closer.  I started throwing bones at him.  I was too weak to throw rocks.  I got in the truck and was on the way to the hospital. 

That was over a week ago.  Much has happened since then.  I have learned that strangers can be the most generous and kind when you are in need.  Often I found myself tougher in front of other people than when I am alone.  What others might regard as simple acts of service are priceless to the reciever.  It's frustrating to have a doctor tell you what you already knew.  Love is expressed in many ways - middle of the night check-ins, water bottle refills, delicious breakfast, lunch, and dinner wherever it's most comfortable, chocolate moosetracks ice cream, purple flowers, chocolate dipped cherry Creamies, a good book to read, a pillow to prop up my foot, a car ride home a week late, phone calls and texts, get well cards, reeses and snickers for when I finally got my sweet tooth back, patience, encouragement, a priesthood blessing, comfortable beds, a box full of peanuts, pecans and every other nut that grows in Georiga, long talks with good friends, laughing when it hurts so much I cry.  I have been so humbled by the actions and kindness of others. 

Last Saturday before the accident, I had a little discussion with a friend about who is in control of your life.  I believe God is in control of mine.  I have seen his hand guiding my life over the past couple years and over the past several months.  Only he knows why this happened at this time.  I have spent a lot of time being still these past several days.  I am surprised I have not been angry.  I have looked forward to the summer to spend a lot of time being very active outside, and I have given up that to an extent - at least for the next month - and I'm at peace with it.  Things seem to fall into place and happen for a reason.  I am trying my best with what I have.  It might not always be right, but that's how I'm going to learn. 

Success in life is relative and should be personally measured.  The past week has brought joy as I have reached new milestones each day with my recovery.  One day I could bend my leg on my own, without using my hands.  One day I went up the stairs noticeably faster than the day before.  One day I walked down the stairs with only one foot on each stair.  One day I walked a couple steps before putting my crutches down.  One day I watched a movie about horses and wasn't scared.  One day it didn't hurt so much to laugh.

I know I still have a few more weeks of recovery and even then I'll need to be careful about what I do.  I am not sure what I'll do differently in the future, but I am so grateful to those who have shown so much love already.  I think that has had the biggest impact on me.  I view service in a whole new light.

Who ever thought I'd be able to say a horse fell on me?  Hopefully a once in a life time experience!